I need you to soften my heart, to break me apart.
I need you to open my eyes, to see that you're shaping my life.
I need you to pierce through the dark and cleanse every part of me.
All I am I surrender.
Give me faith to trust what you say.
That you're good and your love is great.
I'm broken inside, I give you my life.
I may be weak, but your spirit's strong in me.
My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
I like rain!
I do. Probably because I like warm things like hot chocolate and long showers and never getting out of my bed, which I like to refer to as my nest. All my classes were cancelled today, so this is what I've been doing. Lately the days have been going by so fast, it's just nice to have a day of staying home. I probably wont be doing any veeeeesha fun things (I don't even know what happens during veishea) because I have so much homework and studying to do. I will be taking the 301 test next Thursday. Wish me luck.
Aside from staying in and keeping comfy, today is just one of those days where it seems like every other girl in the world is prettier than you. Please tell me I'm not the only girl who experiences these days. I know I know appearance isn't supposed to matter at all, but I've also been thinking about my "inner beauty" lately and I'm not sure at all what I have to offer! Please don't get me wrong here, a lot of days I wake up and think I look pretty good and am a wonderful loveable well-rounded girl. It's just sometimes I have these days. I'm trying to figure out what my talents are and how I can use them. What my gifts are. How to be the best me possible. It seems like everyone has these amazing qualities about themselves, everyone, and it is leaving me feeling.. extremely average.
Last night at Salt was the money talk, and I thought I would be really close-minded to it, but I kind of understood it. He was saying how having a bunch of stuff does not make people happy, and that is sinking into me more and more. The materialism of my everyday life is drying me up. Every day I go to class with a bunch of girls all dressed up, and we compete against eachother to make the best garments/illustrations/trendboards/whatever. Now, I do like my major. I genuinely love the creative design process and trend forecasting and just.. creating. But my perfectionism in it is hurting me. It's like.. if I'm not the best, I am nothing at all. So a lot of this is my own fault, but it does make it more difficult when I am surrounded by everyone else's materialsm too. It's making me wonder if everyone feels this way? And if we're all just faking happy to eachother? (Disclaimer: I love everyone in my classes/major in general. They make wonderful clothes and I love complimenting them and they are so nice to me. I don't want this to seem like I'm being all self-righteous and like I'm better than them. My point is just that stuff doesn't equal happiness.)
Right now all of this is making me want to give away everything I own and move to Africa or something. The only thing I am truly truly passionate about is Jesus. I know he wants me to work hard at everything I do, like school and work, but I can't get the idea out of my head that nothing in this world is lasting. I can own all the clothes I want and have the most amazing career ever, but that won't make me happy. And none of it will be there after I die.
I want to find a way for God to be involved in my fashion stuff. How can this work? I know He would first have to help me be okay with not being the best and be able to resist all the materialism thrown at me constantly. My perspective would have to change. So either that will happen, or He will present something else for me to do with my life.
I am probably worrying too much and thinking too hard. I know I am worrying too much. It just bothers me not knowing what the future is going to be like. I guess I will leave you with a verse that I should keep saying to myself:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important that food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
-Matthew 6:25-27
Anddd that reminds of Shane Claiborne! Go watch his "best sermon ever" video. :)
Aside from staying in and keeping comfy, today is just one of those days where it seems like every other girl in the world is prettier than you. Please tell me I'm not the only girl who experiences these days. I know I know appearance isn't supposed to matter at all, but I've also been thinking about my "inner beauty" lately and I'm not sure at all what I have to offer! Please don't get me wrong here, a lot of days I wake up and think I look pretty good and am a wonderful loveable well-rounded girl. It's just sometimes I have these days. I'm trying to figure out what my talents are and how I can use them. What my gifts are. How to be the best me possible. It seems like everyone has these amazing qualities about themselves, everyone, and it is leaving me feeling.. extremely average.
Last night at Salt was the money talk, and I thought I would be really close-minded to it, but I kind of understood it. He was saying how having a bunch of stuff does not make people happy, and that is sinking into me more and more. The materialism of my everyday life is drying me up. Every day I go to class with a bunch of girls all dressed up, and we compete against eachother to make the best garments/illustrations/trendboards/whatever. Now, I do like my major. I genuinely love the creative design process and trend forecasting and just.. creating. But my perfectionism in it is hurting me. It's like.. if I'm not the best, I am nothing at all. So a lot of this is my own fault, but it does make it more difficult when I am surrounded by everyone else's materialsm too. It's making me wonder if everyone feels this way? And if we're all just faking happy to eachother? (Disclaimer: I love everyone in my classes/major in general. They make wonderful clothes and I love complimenting them and they are so nice to me. I don't want this to seem like I'm being all self-righteous and like I'm better than them. My point is just that stuff doesn't equal happiness.)
Right now all of this is making me want to give away everything I own and move to Africa or something. The only thing I am truly truly passionate about is Jesus. I know he wants me to work hard at everything I do, like school and work, but I can't get the idea out of my head that nothing in this world is lasting. I can own all the clothes I want and have the most amazing career ever, but that won't make me happy. And none of it will be there after I die.
I want to find a way for God to be involved in my fashion stuff. How can this work? I know He would first have to help me be okay with not being the best and be able to resist all the materialism thrown at me constantly. My perspective would have to change. So either that will happen, or He will present something else for me to do with my life.
I am probably worrying too much and thinking too hard. I know I am worrying too much. It just bothers me not knowing what the future is going to be like. I guess I will leave you with a verse that I should keep saying to myself:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important that food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
-Matthew 6:25-27
Anddd that reminds of Shane Claiborne! Go watch his "best sermon ever" video. :)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
First post. So much pressure.
Hi friends. :)
I have decided to join the blogging crowd for.. reasons unknown. I guess perhaps I just have a lot of thoughts and would like to share them with others. I will probably go the God route on this thing, but keep it real as possible. I'm still learning a lot. And by a lot I mean.. a whole lot. Any encouragement will be greatly appreciated.
I feel like I should be introducing myself or something. My name is Kaytee. I am 20. I am a student. I live in Ames. I'm trying to figure out all of life. It's hard. You probably already know all these things about me. I am currently putting off illustration homework of drawing men and children.. and instead am making this and eating chedder rice cakes and drinking diet white tea with raspberry. Did you know you spell raspberry with a P? This is probably one of the most delicious combinations of flavors I have ever experienced. Good life over here.
The title of this blog was inspired by kittens. Actually it was inspired by Psalm 23:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
After hearing Paul Sabino speak about this for a long time.. the most prevalent emotion I felt was peace. If you want to hear him for yourself, go here: http://www.saltcompany.com/index.php/recources/messages/
and click the "Retreat Saturday Night" one. Anyway, I've been having a really hard semester emotionally and mentally, and this psalm came into my life at the perfect time. It was kind of like.. yeah, I am going to have to go through hard times throughout my entire life, but a lot of times they are for a purpose, and are good things, and if God is there leading me through them.. I think I can do it. My emotions are still overwhelming me on a day-to-day basis right now, but hearing truths like this gives me solid ground to stand on.
Other things going on in my life right now.. I am searching for a summer job, and just generally still trying to figure out what I'm going to do this summer. Late I know. I will probably end up floating between Ames and Ankeny and working in one of those places. If anyone knows of anywhere that is hiring, it would be wonderful of you to let me know. I am still trying to pretend I know how to skate, and it's beautiful outside so hopefully I will get on that soon. The only problem is my skateboard is long lost, which is sad because it was nice and expensive. Anyone have an old one they would like to donate to me? :) Also my vans have developed a huge hole in them. So I have no shoes to skate.
That's all for now I guess!
I have decided to join the blogging crowd for.. reasons unknown. I guess perhaps I just have a lot of thoughts and would like to share them with others. I will probably go the God route on this thing, but keep it real as possible. I'm still learning a lot. And by a lot I mean.. a whole lot. Any encouragement will be greatly appreciated.
I feel like I should be introducing myself or something. My name is Kaytee. I am 20. I am a student. I live in Ames. I'm trying to figure out all of life. It's hard. You probably already know all these things about me. I am currently putting off illustration homework of drawing men and children.. and instead am making this and eating chedder rice cakes and drinking diet white tea with raspberry. Did you know you spell raspberry with a P? This is probably one of the most delicious combinations of flavors I have ever experienced. Good life over here.
The title of this blog was inspired by kittens. Actually it was inspired by Psalm 23:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
After hearing Paul Sabino speak about this for a long time.. the most prevalent emotion I felt was peace. If you want to hear him for yourself, go here: http://www.saltcompany.com/index.php/recources/messages/
and click the "Retreat Saturday Night" one. Anyway, I've been having a really hard semester emotionally and mentally, and this psalm came into my life at the perfect time. It was kind of like.. yeah, I am going to have to go through hard times throughout my entire life, but a lot of times they are for a purpose, and are good things, and if God is there leading me through them.. I think I can do it. My emotions are still overwhelming me on a day-to-day basis right now, but hearing truths like this gives me solid ground to stand on.
Other things going on in my life right now.. I am searching for a summer job, and just generally still trying to figure out what I'm going to do this summer. Late I know. I will probably end up floating between Ames and Ankeny and working in one of those places. If anyone knows of anywhere that is hiring, it would be wonderful of you to let me know. I am still trying to pretend I know how to skate, and it's beautiful outside so hopefully I will get on that soon. The only problem is my skateboard is long lost, which is sad because it was nice and expensive. Anyone have an old one they would like to donate to me? :) Also my vans have developed a huge hole in them. So I have no shoes to skate.
That's all for now I guess!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)