So, my friend painted me this painting. It's a painting of Jesus' face with crosses and some hebrew on it, except it's great because she painted it in this raw, real, "Jesus actually walked the earth and died for you and was exactly who he said he was and has significantly changed my life" kind of way that only she can project onto a canvas. I was really happy when she gave it to me. But this morning I woke up, and it was the first thing I saw, and the Holy Spirit just kind of jumped inside me for a second. Immediately a question formed itself in my mind. Immediately.
"Do you not understand what I've done for you?"
And bam, convicted just like that! But in such a loving way. There's nowhere I can run to where the Lord isn't there pursuing me still. I can pretend to ignore Him as much as I want, but that doesn't mean He's not there loving me, and it doesn't mean He's not going to find some super creative way to get my attention. You know, for a long time I thought of God as kind of stoic. Not like He's standing there with His arms crossed and silently shaking His head at me, but not like he's ever excited or happy with me either. I asked Him to help me understand how He views me, and it's starting to make more sense!
Which brings me back to that question. And leads me to the conclusion that I am gradually wrapping my mind around the fact that God loves me. That's super basic, I know, but to FULLY understand it is a crazy thing. If I fully understood that God is real and Jesus is real and He gave Himself as a sacrifice for all the wrong I have done and ever will do and that I will be spending ETERNITY with Him.. well that should dramatically change my perspective on life and how I live. Now let me type to myself here for a minute because I'm horrible at writing and need to get this out of my head..
Do I not understand what Jesus did for me? How I mean the world to Him? How the creator of all those mountains I think are so pretty and those thunderstorms and those crazy fish that live a million miles under water and the stars that are lightyears away created ME? How He decided to give me lots of freckles and be more pale than anyone I know and made the sound of my own personal laughter and the way I look when I'm crying? And how He tells all the cells of my body what to do and makes my heart keep beating for all this time and makes my brain do a bazillion things all at once? How He thought up a beautiful, joyful, perfect plan for my life before I was born and knows everything that has yet to happen to me? Do I understand how I run and run and run from Him and blatently reject what He's telling me to do and usually end up hurting myself and have to deal with a bunch of consequences, and even though this happens, He's still patiently waiting for me with open arms? How He protects me every day and provides the things I need? How He's blessed me with good health, a fantastic standard of living, personal freedoms, amaaaazing people in my life, a family that truly cares for me, and seemingly endless opportunity for the rest of my life here? How the God of everything humbled Himself by becoming a baby on earth, grew up, let Himself suffer a horrible death, and allow all of God the Father's wrath that I deserved to be poured out on Himself, even though He didn't do a single thing wrong in His entire life? How He has so patiently and creatively brought people into my life to help re-introduce me to Him? How He has lifted me out of circumstances that I couldn't/wouldn't get out of on my own? Do I understand how He knows my true potential and everything I will do with the rest of my life here, and how it will be great as long as I listen to Him?
Okay, that was long.
But really. This is where I'm at right now. Jesus is enthralled by me. Doesn't that mean so much more than what any human being could ever think of me? This is security and acceptance, my friends.
